So… you made it this far. You’re probably wondering, “What in the WORLD–” but before you finish your sentence, let me answer some of those questions for you within my world of weight…
Why Did I Gain Weight?
From a young age, I wondered what it was like to be bigger. Fascinated by social constructs of what is acceptable and what isn’t, and at least a little bit of a rebel (ask my mom!), I embarked on my journey with a clear vision shadowed by unknown specifics: to know what it’s like to be bigger, and to own it in the face of a culture that perpetuates the appearance of one while shaming another.
How Did I Do It?
Before I started to gain weight, I decided that I was going to do it using healthy lifestyle choices that I already was familiar with. Rather than eating crap, which I supposed would make me feel like crap and likely cause me to quit prematurely, I chose to continue eating the foods I was already accustomed to that were good for my body. The biggest change? How MUCH I ate.
Trail mix, dense power smoothies, and the occasional sweet treat (Cinnabon, no doubt!) were increased in my diet. My gym workouts went from 6 days per week to 2, and I would walk around a park close to my house on the other days to keep the blood flowing.
I knew from reading numerous books on habit-forming that my first month was not about the numbers on the scale– those wouldn’t change much in month one anyways– but it was about forming new habits, which would then bring the higher scale readings in month two, three, four, and beyond. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened once I built a higher-calorie meal plan and reduced my gym time significantly.
What Was It Like?
It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done– at first. That first month of consciously going against the habits I had engrained within me was a very taxing experience of the mind. Each month got easier, though.
When I first began to notice my body change, it was very scary. As a competitive guy, part of me was even frustrated with myself– I kind of was becoming double-minded about myself because of the significance of the change that I began to notice in my appearance (again– no one else could notice it yet!).
As I continued, I became more confident in my body and seeing my physical appearance continue to transform became more appreciated because I knew I was onto something big!
Thankfully, I rarely felt bad or gross about my body– to which I attribute to still eating nutrient-dense foods (just much more frequently!).
What Was Something Noteworthy I Learned?
We are all manifestations of our habits. Everything we do is either the continuance of a habit, or the start of a new one. As my habits became more concrete for gaining weight, I became more at peace with my body even at the bigger size.
Also– the relationship between our psyche and our physical appearance is crucial to our mental health. Yes, the physiological components were very evident during my journey, as I discovered that eating certain foods helped me to feel better within my body– even while accumulating more of it!– and also more confident in myself.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and by expressing self-acceptance outward, we help others see our beauty– no matter our size!